If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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