I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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