My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
