Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
