i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
