this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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