I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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