you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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