So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
