i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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