Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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