My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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