I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
