she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
