Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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