He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
