Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
