Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize