New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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