so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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