I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
