I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
