I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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