I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
