I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize