So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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