**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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