No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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