There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
