Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I love you. Go after that dick
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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