no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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