You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
