Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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