Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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