I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
