what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
