so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
