For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
