he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
