he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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