We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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