apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
