just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
