It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
