So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
