I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
