you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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