Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
