Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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