I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
