I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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