Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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