oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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