Your tits are I can't wait for
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
