I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize