2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
