I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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