Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you traded sex for a burrito?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
