i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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