My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
