I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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