Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize