Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
