so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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