dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
