it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
