i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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