We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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