I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Is Oprah even human
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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