Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
