And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
