Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
