what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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