it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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