theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
