the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
