did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
