im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
