I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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