Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
