Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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