it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
