I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
