Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize