at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
