Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
