i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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