Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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