So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My balls are so social today.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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