you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
