Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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