drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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