Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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