the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
