How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
