Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
