Did you just see the Batmobile???
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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