She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize