forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
