Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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