you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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