this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
