People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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